I’m not sure when life stopped being punctuated by clocks slowly inching towards 2:45pm or by calendars that run from August to May. Somewhere in between skinned knees and a couple of broken hearts and a few cities, school became one small part of my life.  I had to leave quickly today, “oh college…I have exams today…” I found myself saying.. Lips pressed against his mouth, words muffled by his own lips, “I really do.. I have to go.”

Moments prior, I was woken up with a hand, maybe two, on my ass and the sound of loud dog paws on tile in the other room. I had to leave quickly; though the time from his bed to my car was minutes, it did not seem like I was leaving abruptly. 

In traffic I found myself smiling that warm, easy smile you have when the sun is just barely peeking through the clouds and you are wide awake, well rested, and still wet from hours before. 

I always say I’ll never do it again, have feelings. And 8/10 times since I’ve said that, I can recall the exact moment when I realize I totally will.  I caught myself pressing my nose gently against my shoulder, realizing I was looking to smell his skin.

I don’t know what I thought immediately after. I just know I shook my head a bit, reflexively.  And I know that for a few fleeting moments, I let the possibilities of all the people and places in the world and the smell of his skin on me, commingle for a bit in my mind, and creep slowly in and out of my morning.