I’m sitting at this little sushi place alone.  Its behind a trendier sushi place where the loud music overwhelms you so much you don’t notice that your food actually isn’t good at all. Single me use to come here a lot.  The people behind the bar knew me a bit and I would order the same thing and people watch and couple watch and just enjoy the fact that I didn’t have to carry on a conversation while I ate my food. 

I hate how certain small, seemingly inane things change when you’re in a relationship.  Certain places stop being visited.  Certain thoughts stop occurring. I don’t recognize anyone here tonight and they don’t recognize me. 

I’ve written approximately eleven or so different paragraphs and have erased them all.  I have a lot to say but am utterly lacking felicity. I suppose all I can really say is that  Ill never fully understand how two people can look at the same chair and think opposite things. And also, that I’m a selfish girl and I want what I want despite how it makes other people feel and because of this it isn’t perplexing at all as to why maybe someone would grow immensely tired of that. Also, if you didn’t understand the chair thing its because your car isn’t totaled, you didn’t take a two hour nap today to escape your life, and you’re not here drinking hot sake with me. 

The idea of what is appropriate when you’re in a monogamous relationship perpetually alludes me. It is a bit of a waste of time to try to establish boundaries, no? Because the thing is, you can have all these obvious boundaries and rules that you want the other to abide by, but what of it all when a glance makes them or you come a bit undone? What happens when a brush by your back is not really just people in too close of proximity? How do you regulate that?

I wasn’t the one who let my fingertips linger on a bruise for too long, that I do know,